We all want something beautiful.

I'm going to say right now, this entry is going to do the Highlands absolutely no justice. There aren't words strong enough to actually describe the sort of landscape up there. There just aren't. Maybe if you were to listen the theme to Jurassic Park or Lord of the Rings with your eyes closed and imagine the landscape evoked by that music (minus any possible dinosaurs or hobbits), you could sort of get it. But probably not.
The tour of the Highlands started here in Edinburgh. We took a bus for three days of gorgeous countryside and awesome Celtic myths. I saw mountains and castles and fairy knolls. Also, more sheep and deer than I've ever seen in my life. The guide was a Glaswegian named Tony, and I absolutely fell in love with him haha. It helped that he looked remarkably like Damian Lewis and was impossibly charming and funny, as Scotsmen are wont to be. But yeah, besides Tony being a great guide, the tour had all sorts of other upsides. Mostly, I plan to make enough money to buy a house up there (the going rate for a one-story, modestly sized house is half a million $) and then completely withdraw from civilization. It's overrated anyway.
I don't really know how to write up the trip. I think it's better told through pictures, which I'll post on Facebook eventually. Sadly, I don't have pictures of everything because my camera batteries are sort of waging a war of attrition against me. They've ceased holding a charge for any longer than, say, 5 minutes of use. Fucking frustrating.
Anyway, as I said, the tour was three days. We went from here to Loch Ness and spent the first night in Fort Augustus on the edge of the loch. For the next day, we drove up to the Isle of Skye, where we spent the night. The Isle of Skye might as well not even be earth. The landscape up there seems completely alien, for a variety of reasons. I was basically looking out the bus window and thinking that I was further from what I consider real life than I ever had been before. That night it snowed, so there was a nice coating of snow on everything for the ride back down to Edinburgh for the next day. Abso-fucking-lutely gorgeous.
I know, I'm a total cop-out. I honestly have no idea what else to say about it. If you want some things to Google, to sort of piece together what I saw for yourself, I can give a list:

• Glencoe
• Eilean Donan Castle
• Culloden
• Inverness
• William Wallace Memorial
• Commando Memorial
• Loch Cluanie and Loch Lochie
• Portree (there's video of an exploding whale if you look hard enough)
• Doune Castle (where part of Monty Python and the Holy Grail was filmed)
• Ben Nevis
  

Maybe Google will have some pictures for you. It really is all in the seeing of these things. Though plenty of them also have amazing stories, both historical and mythical, attached.
Part of the absolute charm of Scotland is the regard for and love of the landscape. The Scots really, really love their country, and they have been enduring some of the worst weather in the world for thousands of years because of this love. The Highlanders especially exemplify this spirit, because it can be a miserable life up there. Especially in the winter and especially when there were no modern conveniences. It's sort of astounding to think about the things that people will put up with to stay where they are. The Scots enjoy what they call "hill-walking" or "going for a wee wander," which is actually hiking. I've learned that understating things is sort of the Scottish way. We went for a wee wander in Glencoe on the first day, and if I'm going to live in the Highlands, I am for sure going to need to get in shape haha. I am so not a hiker. And Scotland's hills are actually mountains, so yeah. I'd be perfectly happy being a sheep farmer's wife. It's not a bad life, when you wake up everyday to the most beautiful countryside in the world (I haven't actually been everywhere in the world, but I have no reservations about that sweeping statement).
And then I returned to Edinburgh to find that my 18 year old cousin is apparently engaged, fueling my current burning desire to retreat from everything. How did I find this out? Through motherfucking Facebook. Here comes a big, long diatribe, so get yourself a drink or something. It's actually sort of shocking to me how hurt I am by this, but there you have it. I'm changing my life's ambitions because of it. I was considering, following my earlier deep introspection, moving back to the East Coast after graduation because of the disconnect that I'm feeling between me and my family. Not anymore. I will be applying to grad schools here in the UK, pretty much exclusively I think. I probably sound completely irrational, but it mostly feels like my family has forgotten that I exist. It's stupid, I know. They're all so proud of me, talk about me all the time, blah blah blah. But my cousin, who has lived next door to me for all 18 years of her existence, decides to get engaged, and nobody sees fit to tell me this for two months. I have to find out from an update to her fiance's Facebook. Excuse me, what? I talked to my cousin last week. I talk to other members of my family every goddamn week. This is big news, guys. The sort of thing that I would like to know about, if only to voice my disapproval. Because I absolutely disapprove. This is going to change my life as well as theirs, as selfish as that sounds.
Basically, the way I see it is this. Ashley, my cousin, has been dating Ben, who graduated high school with me and was a friend of mine, since spring of my freshman year. So for two-ish years. Fine, whatever. I don't particularly like Ben, as he's always been basically an irritation for me. We agree about nothing, I think he's a fool. His dad's a priest, and he wants to be one too. He's changed religions (from Presbyterianism to Episcopalianism), I think mostly to win over my family. He'll say that it was after deep introspection and lots of searching blah blah don't care. Not the source of my deep-seated dislike. My family also dislikes Ben, for basically the same reasons that I do. He's opinionated, obnoxious, and foolish.
Ashley drags him along to all of our family functions, and, if there's one thing that should be known about my family, it's that they like to tear outsiders apart behind their backs. Maybe not the most noble trait, but whatever. We love each other and try to keep each other from being stupid. It's sort of like being part of a clan, with the inherent distrust of outsiders. Someone who has married into the family will probably forever be criticized, for one thing or another. Examples: being neurotic, being too overbearing, treating a dog like a child (my uncles are excellent fodder for the Lynch tribunal). So Ben doesn't stand a chance, is what I'm saying. He's already been a topic of discussion whenever I've been home, and I'd rather not have to talk about him for the rest of my life. I'd rather not have to see him for the rest of my life. He disturbs my hard-won peace. I know, I sound completely awful and selfish saying all of this. He makes my cousin happy blah blah blah. She's 18. She wants to go to med school, and she's still only a freshman in college. Ben's a junior, and he still lives with his parents. I don't know when they plan to marry, but I'm afraid that he's going to ruin her potential. She's a smart girl, but the women in my family do stupid stuff for love. Like marry idiots.
I genuinely like going to family functions. Have done for my entire life. Ben has made them more difficult than enjoyable. I sort of predicted that this would happen, but not so soon. I expected to have time to wean myself off of using my family as a source of peace. But fine, this is the way it is now. Ashley and Ben will get married, and I'll be the absent achiever. Talk about a person who can't deal with change. I'll probably seem like the jealous spinster, and I'll be forced to endure the wedding to avoid having people say mean shit behind my back. This is an odd side of me, I know. I'm not doing myself any favors here.
I just wish that someone had thought to tell me about this. If I had a fortress of solitude, it was my family. It may seem weird to be so upset about something happening in my extended family, but as I said, clan structure. My cousins might as well be my brothers and sisters for as often as we saw each other growing up. I can't make a distinction between immediate and extended. We all live next door to one another, for fuck's sake. I said before that home was no longer feeling like home. This just sort of clinches it. Growing up sucks, really. I wasn't ready to give up the peace that I felt with my family.
In better news, Doctor Who is back. This is how I will get through everything.

And you thought I was boring before.

Since I am leaving for a tour of the Highlands tomorrow morning, I should probably update this with spring break happenings now. They were myriad and slightly more exciting than what I've been doing for the last week.
Lena came to visit from March 20th to the 29th, which was absolutely brilliant. I can't really describe the feeling of having an actual friend to hang out with and talk to after 3 months divorced from everything that I considered real life back in CA. Making friends is one thing, but it takes a long time to actually get to the level of comfort with one another where you can just have fun. So that made everything that we did that much more enjoyable.
As for what we actually did, there was first the trip to St. Andrews to visit Lena's Cal friend Elizabeth. St. Andrew's is an adorable, tiny (only 3 main streets) town, and I'm definitely going to look into going to grad school there. The school has a museum studies masters program, and my grandmother (and father) would be super thrilled. I'll probably go back there later this month or early in May to meet with people in the art department and see what exactly the grad program entails.
After that, there was a ton of Edinburgh sightseeing. We did Craigmillar Castle, which I'd never seen, and Edinburgh Castle, which I had. I really love castles. It's so easy to imagine what life may have been like when people actually inhabited them, whether they be complete or in ruins. They're fun places to let your imagination run wild (also, I've seen too many period movies/read too many period romances). We also went to two of the main museums in Edinburgh, the National Gallery (art) and the National Museum (natural history/culture). Free museums never stop being awesome. However, as far as I saw, the National Gallery has no Caravaggios. Unforgivable. It's also arranged like a typical nineteenth-century art museum, which, while interesting for me as a study in the changes that have occurred in museum display over the years, makes the whole place super overwhelming for the typical patron (I assume). The National Museum is a lot of fun with some really interesting displays and juxtapositions within the Early Peoples exhibits especially. Enough about that, but seriously. I could write a paper on that place. Maybe I will. It could be part of an honors thesis topic.
On the less cultural front, we did some clubbing, which hahaha. I am awful at that scene, but it's always entertaining anyway. I don't even know what to write about it. I feel that Brits tend to do the clubbing thing when they're younger (say 18ish) and then graduate to flat parties and stuff by the time that they're 3rd years and up. It's very much a younger crowd at the clubs here. Pubs, however, are a mix of all ages. And older Brits go clubbing, too, so it's a weird mix of 18 and 40 year olds. Plus a bunch of international visitors and travelers of all ages, of course.
At the end of her visit, Lena so graciously gifted me the most awkward night of my life sharing a couple of mattresses on the floor (they follow me wherever I go) with her and a French guy named Julien. We went to Glasgow to see the city/visit him (someone met in a club in Budapest), and a series of misunderstandings and cultural faux-pas followed. It was a good time, no doubt. I just suck really hard at interacting with the French. It mostly has to do with my complete American-ness and how the French are so similar to us in mentality, just French. They expect everyone to adopt their cultural affectations when they're around (not in a rude or mean way, but still), and we expect everyone to be familiar to and receptive of the American way of doing things. So handshakes are out, kisses on the cheeks are in, etc. I have a personal space bubble, and I often seem really rude to Europeans. I know this, but if I'm not thinking, it's really hard for me to not offend people (the French especially). I really admire French culture etc etc, I just don't think that could ever be me haha. The most I can manage is a happy medium between American and French. I have yet to discover what that is. But yeah, Glasgow. It's a city, plain and simple. Big (relatively), dirty, and ugly. There are good parts, but I have no interest in living there. That's for sure. Glasgow sort of terrifies me, not least because I can't understand a word that the inhabitants say. I may visit again, just to see some of the more famous sites, but it's not somewhere to spend any long period of time. Unless you want to be a violent football hooligan, that is. Then, all you have to do is support Rangers or Celtics (definitely not both), and you're well on your way.
Other than the things that required leaving the flat, Lena and I downloaded and watched a lot of movies and just generally tried to save money while still enjoying our time. I introduced her to all sorts of Scottish delicacies (haggis included), and we ate lots of ice cream. A mostly relaxing break, as all breaks should be.
Since she left, I've been sitting in my flat watching V.Mars and various movies. My favorite has been Shoot 'Em Up, which I now consider the perfect movie. It was basically written and directed with exactly me in mind. It's totally creepy, actually, how much of an ideal audience I am for that movie. There are all sorts of little things that I really enjoyed, besides the obvious violence and sex that I am all over in any movie. So yeah, that = what I would make if asked to make a movie.
As mentioned previously, I'm going to the Highlands tomorrow. It's a USC trip, so free everything. Spectacular. We're spending two nights on the Isle of Skye. Other than that, I have no idea what the itinerary is. I also don't care. All I know is that I have to meet the bus at 8:30 tomorrow morning, and then I'll be whisked away to the gorgeous Scottish countryside. Good enough for me.
And now, back to mainlining V.Mars before I leave.